Swing

It’s been hard. The past couple of days, I have been swinging again. I do this often. I look at my life and think of all the things that need to happen in this world, and how I could help and then I feel like I am not doing enough. My life isn’t enough. What I do, every day, isn’t good enough. And so I swing from knowing that I need to live in the moment, paying attention to my life, right now, and feeling so inadequate in every way.

I feel half grown at times. Underdeveloped. Like, I know I am a grown woman, with a husband, children, a house, a credit card…and yet, I feel so lost. I’m not even sure of who I am at times. I want to go to back to school, but I don’t even know what for. I want to be an amazing mother, but most of the time, I’m just swinging from the hip, and praying it will work. There are so many things that I want for my life, my husband, and my children, and I don’t know how to get there.

It’s because no one showed me. I grew up knowing all the things that I am “supposed” to have, all the things that I “should” chase after, yet no one sat me down, looked into my eyes, and said, “Okay sweetie, this is what I see in you. I notice that you are drawn to such and such. Let’s dive into that. Let’s see where your heart takes you.” Or, they didn’t show me how to handle life, like,”Okay, let’s talk about relationships. This is what you need to know, and this is important…” They told me I was valuable, all the many people that walked across my path in life, but they didn’t show me I was valuable.

I think that’s what’s missing in the church. That’s why people aren’t breaking the doors down. We talk a big talk, about Jesus loving others, loving you, how He came to save you from your sins. But we aren’t showing you. We aren’t looking into your eyes and seeing the depths of who you are, paying attention to what’s going on, and showing you the love of Christ.

This is a big problem because as my husband pointed out, we don’t know what that looks like. We don’t know what showing someone how valuable they are really truly looks like with skin on it.
How do you show the love of Christ?

“Preach the Gospel Always. If Necessary Use Words” – St. Francis of Assisi

That used to be one of my favorite quotes and I think the point of it is that your words will mean absolutely nothing unless you put actions ahead of your words. Yah. Love someone, before you speak to them. Love them first before you label them. Because, probably, you won’t be able to label them, if you really love them.

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