It was a rough day.
I could tell as soon as she walked to the car. Eyes down, chin to chest. Something was up.
Back home, we sat down together and read the note from the teacher. It hadn’t been a good day. At all. She cried. I was perplexed.
This was not my girl.
Not her normal.
“Is it hard being good all the time?”
She shrunk further, coming closer, crying in my arms.
My friend, my husband, has a dream that he’s had for years. A dream for meaningful work. Work that’s for the Kingdom and a work that bring the hearts of men to life. I listen to him, I hear his heart and I understand his words. . .
“For years, I’d say, ‘Yeah! I’m going to do this! These days, it’s more like, ‘Yeah, . . . I want to do this.’ It’s getting hard to be believe that it will happen.”
It’s hard to believe.
It’s November, and things have not gone like I’d planned. My dream job has not come through. I continue to work and struggle and reorient my expectations.
In a recent phone call to my mom, she asked how she could pray for me:
I’m exhausted. Pray that I don’t grow weary.
Because it’s true.
There is an obviousness to this scripture that no one seems to point out. It’s exhausting being good all the time. Leaning in and doing well, pressing on and stepping up. It’s hard and it’s not what we’re used to. It goes against everything our flesh is made of.
The spirit is willing. Yes, it is willing. You can feel it most when you done something well. You’ve worked and struggled and pushed through and it feels amazing. But, coming down from the mountain and finding your life looking and smelling a little too much like the way it was before the climb feels discouraging. The flesh is weak and it would be easier to give up. Throw in the towel. Screw it all.
That’s the temptation.
But, you can’t. You know you can’t. Your heart is too good. And, no matter what your circumstances look like, you. . . YOU are not the same. And going back would be worse than anything else than you could possibly face in the future.
You have to move forward.
But, it’s hard.
I hear ya, girl.
Tell me. Tell me when it gets too hard. When the road feels long and discouraging. When you have done absolutely everything that you know how to do and it’s still not working.
Tell me. We’ll pull over. We’ll talk about it and make sure that your heart isn’t believing anything false in the meantime. We will take the time to find refreshment, to find restoration along the path and discover the joy that is in the journey as we keep walking to the destination.
Tell me. Be honest. There’s nothing wrong with you. I know that kind of tired and you are not the only one that feels it. Be brave enough to admit what’s really going on. You are normal. This is normal. This is training. This is essential.
The beauty of this verse is that weariness is not the point. The point is the harvest. That is what we’re after. The fruit of all the good that we’re plowing in and doing well and getting our hands dirty for.
There is a harvest. . . if we don’t give up.
My friend, don’t give up.
You are almost there. Keep walking. Don’t lose heart. Take a break if you need to but don’t stop.
You are almost there.
It will come.
You will make it.
You will . . .