It’s Friday evening.
We’ve roasted hot dogs, enjoyed slurping cream soda floats, and the moment. It is one of those moments that contain the whole world, everything precious in one flash of joy.
It’s raining. The sun is shining, brilliant, making everything feel translucent, light, and possible. I run outside to look for a rainbow. I circle multiple time in the middle of our road, looking for it while magic gently drips over our neighborhood, over me. My neighbor comes outside on their porch to smoke.
Initially, I don’t worry about how I look because I want to see it. I want to see the rainbow that is surely, somehow, somewhere, here.
Then, I wonder if I can’t see it, because I am in the middle of it.
I look at my neighbor on their porch, looking at me and looking up to find what it is that has me out in the middle of our street.
“I’m looking for a rainbow!”
“Yes,” she replies, “I told ____ that there would probably be a rainbow with all this rain.”
Neither of us can see it. The rain falls harder and I walk back inside, finally feeling weird for standing outside so long looking for something that is apparently out of reach.
Walking into the dining room, I see the kids, Donovan, the moment of joy they are experiencing together. It’s pure fun, laid thick with laughter, legos and Shopkins. I think again about how I probably can’t see the rainbow because I’m inside of it.
This too happens to my life.
I miss the glory of it because I’m in the middle of it. I get used to the precious smell of coffee. The touch of my husband’s hand. A timely text from a friend. I get used to the glory and it no longer registers.
It’s different from falling asleep to my own life. It’s that I am no longer moved by it.
I wonder, if that was the loss that we experienced in Eden.
Not only the closeness of God, but the marvelousness of each other. We are precious. Everything is precious. And, we suffer from amnesia constantly. It takes death or inspiration to remind us how amazing everything is.
Or, we have to remove ourselves from our normal existence to see how good things are.
I have no idea how to fix this.
I only know to write it down.
Because, when I write things down, I don’t forget it as easily.
Everything is glorious.
Everything is precious.